"I'm just going to throw a bunch of mud on the wall and see what sticks!" That's what I said in November when we migrated back to Arizona from Jackson Hole, Wyoming. The theme for my year is, "Break On Through to the Other Side," with apologies to Jim Morrison! I felt a need to elevate what I was doing in music and in life to another level. As Nina Simone says, "I want more and more, and then some!"
One of the benefits of moving every six months is the "clean slate" effect. You get to wipe the slate clean and start over. Every one of us gets to do that every day - "...everyday our wallet is magically filled with 24 hours to do with as we see fit." It is a little more dramatic when you have to pack up "kit and caboodle," to a whole new landscape - but I am grateful for it. It reminds me that life is a continual journey of growth - hopefully positive growth.
But we're human, and make mistakes! And that's what this email is about! I thought, "I'm just going to throw a bunch of mud on the wall and see what sticks!" What is the worst that could happen, right? I'm not going to die! Well, I found out that things can get pretty mucked up in all that mud! I found out that lots of bad things can happen! You can make a lot of people mad at you because you are not focused and giving them the attention they deserve - family and friends. You can feel miserable because you feel like you’re on a tread mill instead of savoring each moment of life and smelling the roses. Your creativity diminishes because you are constantly running! You get the idea!
Luckily, at some point a couple months ago I stopped, looked around and decided there was TOO MUCH MUD EVERYWHERE. I started back-pedaling and trying to salvage my precious moments, precious friends and family, and precious sanity! I realized that you can create a real mess when you throw too much mud against the wall! And I'll admit I felt pretty stupid, too - thinking at this time in my life I should have known better! That was the hardest obstacle for me to overcome: my own self criticism. I think I'm mostly over that, now.
As always, I will try to use this amazing learning to help myself and hopefully, you too. We must build in time to "stop and smell the roses," in our lives. Savoring our days and nights like the gifts they are - and consider the alternative!
Looking back, I could probably add one new class, one new friend, one big project, one life change, at a time and be ok. With what I took on this season - I might spend the rest of my life learning and adding. But I added them all in a month! After a couple of months I was down for the count shouting, "I give! I give! Help!" So life constantly teaches us new things and we are all into life-long learning I hope.
Anyway, that's why I haven't written in so long. My theme for the year is still "Break On Through To The Other Side!" And I'm only 1/3 of the way through the year. This is going to be a great year I know because we have the gift of a second chance: a do over! We have the gift of forgiveness of ourselves and others, and the dignity to rise and stand tall once again.
My coach said, "Rather than thinking of what you can DO (to break on through to the other side), why don't you relax and let things evolve organically and see what develops. Stop and smell the roses along the way" So that's what I'm going to do and I'll let you know how things go. My philosophy has been "TO DO." I'm learning how "TO BE." Together they create DO BE DO BE DO BE DO BE DO!